Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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