Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
