We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
