i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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