Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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