I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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