you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
