You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
