I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize