explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
