census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
PS: I just woke up from my shower
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
