Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Still dying that you shit outside
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
