My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
