She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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