hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
