Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm like, not good at living.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
