I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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