Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize