i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
