Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
