Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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