I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize