Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
