Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
