somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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