I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
