and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
BRING THE BAGELS
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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