So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
