Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
