i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
