So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
