jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
