Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize