Pants 0. Shit 1.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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