"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
