god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
