I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
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