Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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