I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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