He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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