By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
