How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
