I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
