Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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