Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
