Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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