believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
