You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
