So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
