apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
