I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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