If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
