do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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