shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
