i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
