Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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