I'd wear matching sweaters with you
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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