Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
