Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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