No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
