saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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