my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
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