You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
