took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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