I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I want her autograph on my taint
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
