I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize