I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Less talking, more tequila
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
