omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
