My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Did you just see the Batmobile???
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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