Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
