Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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