ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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