My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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