does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
