its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
