You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
