Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
