i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize