Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
