so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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