I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I deserve this hangover.
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