i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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