ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
