i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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