i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
