Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
