On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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