Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
