I will die if light touches me.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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