Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
