apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
