New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
