I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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