i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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