I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Randomize
