Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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