I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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