1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize