burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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