super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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