So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
