thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
