Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
