I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
