people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
