Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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