I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
